"You can't break a few chickens without snappin' some heads." - Andy Shoemaker
"Terrorists can attack freedom, but only Congress can destroy it." - Keith D. Tyler
Initiative comes to those who wait. - Alex in A Clockwork Orange
Safety kills. - Rob Perry
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space." - Anonymous
"Get over it losers, the only thing to help you through bad times is alcohol and plently of it." - Anonymous
Rather than judge my skill by the language I use or the beverages I drink perhaps you should actually listen to the statement I'm trying to make. - Andy Shoemaker
All the best women are taken. Or Republican. - Aaron Benoit
Women. Can't shoot 'em, ...can't fit more than two of 'em in the back seat of a truck driving into a quarry. - Andy Shoemaker
That guy shoulda been shot right there. I mean, I knew him, he was a nice guy, but to kill such a great piece of ass... - Rob Perry
You live, you shit, you die. - (an old roomate's sister)
"I did NOT want them DEAD." - Veronica in Heathers
"I have hung around with people, and all they do is die." - Rollins Band, "I See Through"
"Delete yourself, you have no chance to win." - Atari Teenage Riot
"Nobody kills anyone in my place of business 'cept me and Zed."
"The United States is the only Western democracy that retains capital punishment, putting it in a league with countries such as China, Iraq, Iran and Russia." - Reuters, "U.S. Lawyers Demand End of Death Penalty"
I think I'm gonna cancel cable and buy more cigars. More entertaining. - Eric Savage
Damn. I knew nothing good could come from Harvard Square. - Andy Shoemaker
I listen to what God says... and God says I'm allowed to purchase one portion of cheddar cheese. - Old woman at South Station
I don't need your opinion, I need your donation. - Campus cult recruiter
Brian: You don't need to follow me, you're all individuals!
Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals! - Life of Brian,
"Consumers are as interested in visual candy as they are in the story, and studios are finally realizing that," - Scott Ross of Digital Domain
"If they told you shit was chocolate, you'd not only eat it, you'd want more." - El Dopa, "Anti-Bullshit Machine"
"We're a billion dollar company." - AOL selling point
"The workers are fighting each other to sell themselves into slavery; the middle class are fighting each other to get enough trade to keep soul and body together; and the professional class are fighting each other like savages for practice. And this is called civilization." - Eugene V. Debs (Socialist Party candidate from 1900-1920)
"Given the general stupidity of our populace, I don't think there's an end in sight for this kind of hypocrisy. I will, however, be proud to offend as many of these alleged humans as I can." - Anonymous, on the EvolveFISH comments page
"When people are in an absurd situation, their minds rationalize it by inventing comfortable illusions." - Dogbert
"This orgy of big bank mergers in our country moves now at an accelerated pace, unabated." - Sen. Byron Dorgan, (D)-ND
It is that with which to not kill yourself. It's pretty good. - Rob Perry, referring to a jug of water
Is crack distributed freely at your work? - Eric Savage
"'Pushing' crack is still relatively rare as the market for it is sufficiently large that the supplier does not have to use these risky stratagems to sell." - Brixton Drug Project
"Debemos tener mas drogas."
"Sometimes ah think that people become junkies just because they subconsciously crave a wee bit ay silence." - Rents in Trainspotting [the book]
"There's currently a movement in the US to get IRC recognized as an official drug and prohibited within US borders, but that anti-smoking crap has pretty much taken all the attention away from it." - kspoon-at-pobox.com of alt.irc
"It's a little early to be shitfaced. Why don't you sober up." - Drunk man outside Flann's Pub in Mission Hill, to me
"To permit irresponsible authority is to sow disaster; to hold a man responsible for anything he does not control is to behave with blind idiocy." - Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers
"Am I going mad, or did the word 'think' escape your lips?" - Vezzini in The Princess Bride
"Small though it is, the human brain can be quite effective when used properly." - Doctor Who
"You're not only dumb; you're also stupid, lame, ignorant and feeling good about it." - Niels Bakker of alt.irc
"Before you do anything rash, like pressing another button, may I make an alternative suggestion?" - Doctor Who
"Why do you keep using that word? I do not think it means what you think it means." - Inigo, The Princess Bride
"If you're gonna yell at me every time I do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!" - Homer Simpson
"Truly, you have a dizzying intellect." - Westley, The Princess Bride
"I'll explain, and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand." - Westley in The Princess Bride
"You know, its an interesting thing... the earth people who can think are so frightened by those who cannot." - Eros in Plan 9 From Outer Space
"Oh you'd like me to connect the dots for you, lead you from A to B to C, so that your puny mind could comprehend? How boring." - Q, All Good Things
"If your article contains quoted text, please take some time to pare it down to just the key points to which you are responding, or people will think you are a dweeb!" - Iain Lea, pre-posting screen, Tin v1.3
"A friend told me to get America Online. I said, `Why? I've already got a computer.'" - AOL commercial
"I do not care how bad I miss spell or write bad grammer!" - Mike&Penny of alt.irc
"I have been threatened by experts. I don't rate you very highly at all." - Doctor Who
"You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!" - Eros in Plan 9 From Outer Space
"Please, in the future when someone offers help, try their suggestion before saying that it is not useful." - Justin Sheehy in ccs.systems.discuss
"Just because we don't tear down your illusions, doesn't mean they aren't illusions." - Kaehno of alt.irc
"Never ask a droid to exceed its programming; it wastes your time and annoys the droid." - Eric Raymond, re Pentagon receptionists
"Dave, I find your story simply unbelievable." - Jim Garrison in JFK
"Error message? What's an error message?" - Erol's Internet support staff
"Scientists call it 'pseudo-certainty.' I call it 'being a fucking moron.' - Al Franken in Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot
"It would be more difficult to insult your intelligence if you actually had some." - Kaehno of alt.irc
"Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence." - Evil in Time Bandits
"Well I just want to make it clear that I think you're all idiots, and I hate each and every one of you. I don't mean to single anyone out. " - Jamie Zawinski of Netscape
"Fortunately for you, even though they are evil, they are not very bright." - man page for Robots
"I was just covering the obvious, which you didn't say you had tried." - Trikky T of alt.irc
"Maybe you can actually learn to answer a newbie's question without coming off like some sort of arrogant asshole. Or, you could just shut yer fuckin' trap." - ebben-at-ganja.com of alt.irc, to me
"It seems we're in a life-death struggle between foul language and the English language, and so far, it's not looking good for English." - S. Anderson
"You don't know of anything of me in real life, so if you're gonna fire insults at me, at least insult what you know, not what you don't." - brian2 of alt.irc
"So your saying your daughter is a worthy animal to sacrifice in some countries. I agree with that 100 percent." - Jesse Schachter of alt.irc
"I'd much rather go over to your house and beat your family, but for now I'll settle with this." - Jesse Schachter
"With all due respect: fuck off and die." - Peter da Silva, in bofh.general
"I saw a good book for you. It's called 'How to Belong to the Human Race Without Being an Asshole.'" - Dr Amour, to me (I think)
"I'm obnoxious. What's your excuse?" - jvs-at-ocslink.com
"never fear. nothing stands in the way of my wanking." - robin1 of alt.irc
"In no way has the readership of this group been ticked out of any fuck." - Marci Yesowitch of alt.irc
"And when they come to ethnically cleanse me/will you speak out, will you defend me?" - Pop Will Eat Itself, "Ich Bein Ein Auslander"
"But if you do hate, it should be for a reason. Like when God says its ok." - RevWhite of alt.irc (and alt.white.power, etc.)
"The jury has found you guilty of being a redneck, white-bread, chicken shit motherfucker." - NWA, "Fuck The Police"
"You state that the Bureau... should not attack programs of community interest... because prominent humanitarians are interested in the program. You have obviously missed the point." - J. Edgar Hoover to the California FBI office, re the Black Panthers
"You're entitled to your opinion, but don't make others suffer because of your prejudism against auto-rejoin." - Michael South
"The residents of the Cave do not endorse nor deny the political aspects of this poster. We simply put it on display for the aesthetic value it adds to the room." - Sign [paraphrased] under Mumia Abu-Jamal poster in the 'Cave O Funk,' Spring 1996
"Aprende hablar el idioma chingando [Learn to speak the fucking language]." - Puerto Rican woman, re the Americentric "rockeros" youth in her community.
"I don't want to discriminate against anyone, but I guess I'm getting sick and tired of homosexuals pushing their views on us." - Anonymous Maine voter, after voting in the successful repeal of Maine's gay rights law
"KICKING, THE TOOL OF THE MAN. JUST ANOTHER WAY TO OPPRESS POOR LUSERS." - brian2 of alt.irc
"Sodomites should not be allowed to post on the abortion newsgroups. Their unnatural acts produce no childre[n]." - Donald Spitz
"It's like, if you're nice to them, they bring you things?" - Feminist in PCU, referring to men
"This is about give and take. If you want equal rights, then you want them for everybody; not just when it benefits you." - Cheryl Garrity, president of Massachusetts NOW chapter
No, man, she's fully functional! - Tarek, during the love scene in Star Trek: First Contact
"Who do you have to sleep with around here to get a boyfriend?" - Laura, "Austin Stories"
"The love that you will find, is the love that you will never find, because the love that you are lookin for is the love that is not able to be found." - Sarsippius Salamanagic Jackson III
"The Good Christ came to Earth, he looked around for people who would be open to his dream of salvation, to bring about a Kingdom of Heaven on Earth, but all he found was that goddamned crackrock." - The Church of Jesus Crackhead [www.wackycrackheads.com]
"Don't look to the heavens, for they will tell you nothing." - Cop Shoot Cop, "Room 429"
"Religious people often say, 'We know not only there is a God but what He looks like, and what day of the week He wants us to rest, and what to eat.' That is the arrogance of religion." - Ann Druyan
"If now, while they are one people, all speaking the same language, nothing will later stop them from doing whatever they presume to do. Let us then go down and confuse their language." - Gen. 11:6-7
"See! The man has become like one of us, knowing what is good and what is bad! Therefore, he must not be allowed to put out his hand to take fruit from the tree of life also, and thuse eat of it and live forever." - Gen. 3:22
"Hasn't anyone made an anti-bullshit plugin yet? One that blocks URLs containing 'cnet' or 'msnbc' ??" - Keith Tyler
"If CYBERsitter had been activated on your computer, you would not have been able to see this page, or any of the pages linked above." - http://www.peacefire.org/censorware/CYBERsitter.html
"I will not remove someone from the system because they run a porn site or something similar. Porn is legal and very frankly I like the stuff." - Andy Shoemaker
"if you're afraid that your children will see this, why are you asking for access to sites which have XXXX pornography? be consistent." - James Mcpherson
"The Emacs doctor program was set up to recognize curse words and respond with a [deterring] message. In order to do this, it had to have a list of curse words. That means the source code for the program was indecent." - Richard Stallman, on censoring his program to comply with the CDA
I had to prove to myself that I was a man. Not just a producing-consuming economic animal -- but a *man.* - Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers
"Businesspeople design software and make their profit by obstructing other's understanding. I made a decision very early on not to do that." - Richard Stallman
"Well, if that's the way you feel then maybe we're not the service for you." - AOL customer support
Any mailing list where people are proud to announce they run fucked networks is not for me. - Andy, re the NANOG mailing list
"You should really ban these lamerz... or we'll end up with a list full of Win 95 egg-toting fludnet morons." - Raistlin of eggdrop-L
"I disapprove of the obsession with profit that tempts people to throw away their ideas of good citizenship." - Richard Stallman
"We are interested in lifting up the name of Jesus in the power of the Holy Spirit. All are welcome (lamers excepted)." - Rev. Joey Kelly, re his Christian IRC channel
"Everyone feel free to completely FUCK these networks...and remember stupidity should never be tolerated." - Andy, on his since-removed list of smurfable networks
"Don't talk to any more media people. Tell them I said they're all lackeys." - u4ea
"if we wanted t0 be in the news, we would call up that fat bitch Oprah..." - U4EA
"When we don't know something about something else, we tend to believe what Dan Rather tells us. And of course he is never biased and he would never use buzz words to sensationalize his boring little story about a bunch of 4-day-dead cult members. Of course not. " - Mike Emke
"Wired has always had this tendency to overstate the stupid. - Marci Yesowitch of alt.irc
"I can't control that if there's no professional responsibility in the press; that's their fault." - Judge John Reid, re his decision to keep a high-profile case public
"CNN likes to fuck with me." - Andy Bunnell
"This film also does not involve SPAM. This will hurt Hormel's sales." - Erik The Viking
"Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something." - Westley in The Princess Bride
"it's not a free country. everything is bought and sold and owned." - Charles Bukowski, Tales of Ordinary Madness
"This is just one more in a long string of instances where some gargantuan multinational sinks it's talons into something with a loyal fanbase, and completely wipes out whatever made it unique in order to establish mainstream appeal, and sells the name." - Franz Ruedele re the Starship Troopers movie
"They never told us when we entered into this agreement that our members would be terminated for paying their bills on time and in full." - BJ's president Ed Gilooly, re Benficial's canceling of 12,000 BJ's MasterCard accounts in good standing
"The companies that continue to charge flat-rate prices will lose money to the point where they either go out of business or change to an economically viable structure." - Lowell J. Gray, former CEO of Shore.Net (now PRIMUS Hosting), in 1997
"We are all interested in the future because that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future." - Plan 9 from Outer Space
"I know it's hard to prognosticate about his future at this stage, but if he's going to remain six-sided and 0.4 gram for the rest of his life, I'd say euthanasia is our best bet." - Mark Leyner, My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist
"The later-to-become-Id Software members, John Carmack, John Romero and Tom Hall, had a hard time believing that it was possible to make money releasing a game as shareware. It took much convincing before they agreed to give it a try." - Apogee
"It's not that we were shortsighted, it's just that we failed to appeciate what cheap bastards the customers were." - Bill Henneman re the Y2K 'bug'
"I'm really disappointed that everyone went nuts and acted like a bunch of little warez kids -- even though I know a lot of you are." - Robey Pointer
"I must truly admit how hard it is to go to sleep at night knowing that this formidable decent organization [the CIA] suffered from evil Swedish hackers." - King Fisher (Linus Walleij)
"Hell, i've had your password for weeks and never done anything." - PRWF, in nu.dac.problems.lynx
"...and removal of groups without consensus in alt.config or without approval of the hierarchy coordinator is considered a denial of service attack in many states and countries, the originating ISP should treat this as a case of possible USENET abuse." - news-at-airmail.net, re attempted rmgroup by me of alt.kids-talk
"<12/1/97> ICMP is firewalled due to boring DoS attacks.
<12/8/97> Hey look...SYN floods....boy some of you guys really have enemys....how about telling me who they are so I can wreck em." - Andy Shoemaker
"We tolerated your discipline. We stomached your abuse. We bore your unprofessionalism. And now the world will see, through the spread of this virus just how TOTALLY FUCKED UP we are!" - Members of Mount Waverley Class of '96, in their virus
"Mail spamming is bad enough; incompetent mail spamming should be punishable by something nasty." - Keith Tyler
"The sites [originating spam] are typically... other providers, and have no other connection with Jerky.Net. The reason we are getting banned is because opers seem to think that banning the web site host will stop the spams." - Andy Shoemaker
"Use MIME display program for this message? (y/n): n"
"[Spam] content is widely variable... Content can range from legitimate and illegitimate commercial solicitations [and] appeals for charitable causes to sexual advances, invitations to view web pages, etc." - Simona Nass, PANIX, "Consumer Privacy 1997 -- Comment, P974807"
From June 6, 1997, to Oct. 13, 1998, I received over 8.8 megabytes of unsolicited commercial email. See http://www.cauce.org for more info.
"The BLINK tag... was not my fault." - Jamie Zawinski of Netscape
"I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world." - Anonymous
"He needs a faster computer. My overclocked Apple ][c will do an infinite loop in 13.6 seconds." - Tracy Reed
"Don't touch it! It's the `History Erase' button, you fool!" - Ren Hoek
"Maybe we're not doomed -- people on the net are talking about us with all caps and lots of exclamation points." - Jamie Zawinski
"Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb." - Dark Helmet in Spaceballs
"You're so un-superficial. How can I be friends with you?" - Marci Yesowitch
"Are we not genii?" - Stephen DiPesa
"Yes, Ron, for the n-th time, we know [you're an IRC op]. We think you're elite for it." - octagon-at-phish.nether.net of alt.irc
"Meetings suck. I never get shit done in them. Let me crank my music and code for 3 hours. That gets shit done." - Justin Frankel
"I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career." - Darwin Mayflower in _Hudson Hawk_
"If this is such a happening party, why are you logged into my machine?" - Andy Shoemaker
I wish they hadn't banned all computer games in the Senate. I'd love to kick my Senator's ass in Quake.
"I should write letters like this: 'Dear admin. Your network is broken. I'm going to sue your lame ass. Go fuck yourself.'" - Andy Shoemaker, re smurfable networks
"I'm almost tempted to keep a TIAC account just for the drama of the 'tiac' newsgroup. Threatened UDPs, complaints, insults, deranged people, all in one convenient place." - Nicholas Riley
Eggdrop - And remember, it's not only an IRC bot, but it's also a client.
"Email is the killer app in the online world." - Forrester Research
"Every program attempts to expand until it can read mail. Those programs which cannot so expand are replaced by ones which can." - 'Law of Software Envelopment', Jamie Zawinski
(Jamie is of course wrong. The law is actually: "Every program attempts to expand until it can connect to the Web.")
"And I remember when fake ident had to do with underage kids trying to get a 6 pack of beer." - T. Gibson of alt.irc
"Apache isnt the most popular web server because its easy to use. In fact, Apache is proof of how meaningless ease of use is when it comes to critical applications." - PCWeek, "It's Not Easy. So What?"
"I apologise for the inconvenience this upgrade may have caused." - sysadmin's chant
"Before you break into our place, you had better take down our net connection." - The L0pht
"I can't believe this happened, and I'm really sorry, and please don't put this on your web page." - Anonymous, to Jamie Zawinski
"I've got plenty of problems here... be specific." - Andy Shoemaker
"You know, when they called it 'cold'... they were serious." - Rob Perry
"I don't want to name any names, but I think it was you." - Eric Savage
"For New England... Weather is crappy, with continued crappy until further notice." - Eric on WRBB
"The poor, poor deluded fool... I see it now; he's blinded by the space madness." - Ren Hoek
"This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who." - Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"'What' ain't no country I ever heard of. Do they speak English in What?" - Jules in Pulp Fiction
"I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard. How marvelous." - Count Rugen in The Princess Bride
"I mean, I always knew *I* was a son of a bitch, but now, I am the only son of a bitch I know." - Cab driver, Brain Candy
"God wouldn't be up this late!" - The Plague in Hackers
"Two days later, I met these people's leader. After he explained his feelings and beliefs to me, I realized I was talking to a maniac." - Dr. Francis B. Gross, Faces of Death
Don: But, you would agree that Paris is the capital of France.
Chris: Well, yes.
Don: Good, so we're back in agreement. - The Kids In The Hall, Brain Candy
"Don't ask me to participate in your stupid crap if you dont like the way I do it." - Cameron Frye
"I get knocked out. But I get up again. So you're never gonna keep me down." - Chumbawumba, "Tubthumping"
If - is a bithorpe and # is an octothorpe, why isn't * a hexathorpe?
And if - is a bithorpe and = is a quadrathorpe, what's +?
And furthermore, what's a thorpe?
"COM1122 rules!"
"Disclaimer: There is no evidence that the above claim is true. It is simply inserted to fulfill the requirements of the course COM1122." - Akochi Agunwamba
"Well someone was going to [do the job], but you guys scared him away with your childish antics -- now you're on your own." - Robey Pointer
"I agree with it. Why do you need a whole book about it?" - Andy, re the book Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot
"I was up above it. Now, I'm down in it." - Trent Reznor, "Down In It"
"You are the perfect drug. The perfect drug. The perfect drug. You are the perfect drug." - Trent Reznor, "The Perfect Drug"
"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other."- Eric Hoffer
"Legislation is going to have to straighten this out. We can't work this out without [government] involvement." - Lars Ulrich of Metallica
"The pants have all been removed. Hopefully now we'll have peace." - Susan Haddad
"When I die, I'll cease to exist. My body will rot in the ground. It won't matter that I didn't believe in God. It won't matter that I didn't go to church. It won't matter that I wasn't a Christian, and I didn't gather around with other Christians to celebrate how much better than everyone else we are because we're going to heaven." - Brian Leech
"My current message is 'Hello. I am probably home right now, but I have caller I.D. and I don't want to talk to you. After the beep you have 30 seconds to convince me I should talk to you. Good luck.'" - Robot Frank
"A man who claiming to have invented the best distribution system for porn married to a censorious bitch. Ohh the irony." - Nick Yaruar, referring to the Gore family
"Me Stan; ba chomp, ba chewy chomp, ba chewy chomp." - Cloned Stan
"You don't understand: Food is love. Food loves you." - my mother
"[NASA is] under a damn microscope. It's not fair, I tell you. Everyone makes mistakes. Why don't they go around ridiculing New Coke?" - David Nielsen
"I don't believe that humans have been striving to be replaced by intelligent machines all along. I think they built intelligent machines because they were sick of doing dishes. Then they got sick of formatting text, then they got sick of designing airplanes, then they got sick of thinking, period." - "Jafac"
"It is really quite staggering that this kind of mistake can happen. Some people are incredibly ignorant." - Marie Thorn
"Historians seek hard evidence, but the rest of the world feeds on glorious myth." - Gerard DeGroot
"Don't try to attract a woman by being nice. Just make sure you always have weed." - genslab
"A clock running backwards is right four times a day, which is two better than a *photograph* of a clock." - E. Blong
"I tried Zen once, but I understood it." - E. Blong
"We, the undersigned, hereby state that each of us is the child whose heart was turned dark by time on the Internet, as mentioned by the Governor during the second Presidential debate.
Further, we hereby declare the Governor to be a big smirky doofus." - bix-at-geekforce.org
"Puny humans! If you value your tiny lives -- EAT MY PEAS!" - The Angry Green Giant
"I do not believe that the possibility of affecting the outcome of the election is enough to justify ignoring the statutory deadline [to complete vote recounts]." - Katherine Harris, Fla. Sec. of State
"While we appreciate your efforts in turning geeks into Hip Urban Dudes, it occured to us that we perhaps need fewer hip urban dudes, and a few more cool geek-loving women." - mike-at-geekgirlservices.com (to geekboyservices.com)
"We will start evolving into a more intelligent and nicer species aproximately one generation after women decide not to put up with stupid assholes just because they're good looking or have money." - pugugly-at-netzero.net
"I should have known better than to eat beef." - Vampyre Soultrance
"I got elected. If I can do it, practically anybody else can." - Tom Alciere
"In security, one must not rely on the obscurity of the algorithm. This is doubly true when the algorithm is patented." - Edward Felton et. al.
"Repeat until incoherent." - Andy Shoemaker, The Jerky Bartending Guide
"I wanted you to know, officially, that if you don't desist -- immediately -- with your hate propaganda and pseudo-information, the public may rise up and smite my internet access. And that would suck." - Renee Stephen, to TMB
"If you want a good meal, all you have to do is toss shit at a guard." - Kevin Traas
"99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size." - Peter Anspach's Evil Overlord List
"It's easier to make nerve gas than manufacture cola." - Cory Doctorow, OpenCola
"Magazine people should stick with pasting words on sheets of paper and leave the Internet to us crazy hermits and social rejects." - Kevin Bowen, SomethingAwful.com
[Raven] you started a fight
[Romulus] yeah thats cause i used the f word
